I have tried my best to not restrict myself with descriptions, so I can act truthfully to my self-in-the-moment. If I had described myself as an introvert, or as any other description, I would be compelled to act, if not extroverted, then at least extrovertish, for example.
It would be an image held by, if not myself, then at least by someone hearing the attribution. They might think "Well he is really quiet. I thought Jill said he was very funny and outgoing."
It wouldn't be as bad if you didn't get stuck with those definitions. Buddhism helped me in my life a lot. Categorizing myself as a Buddhist, not so much.
That's because I needed an outside help to tell me I don't need to be stuck in Buddhism any longer, but rather be true to my current self.
If you get stuck into a description, and live by that description without thinking if it is any longer relevant to your interests, therein lies the problem.
Be what you are, even tell people what you are if you want to, but keep this in mind. Even if you would not, other people will get stuck to definitions.
"I thought you were gay!" "I wanted to watch this movie with you because I thought you liked thrillers!"
It might have been true at some point.
Update yourself if you need to describe yourself. Don't be stuck at 45 thinking you just love doing something, when, if you thought about it mindfully, you're just doing it because you don't know any better.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Release yourself
Just watched a video that brought me to self-realization.
In most of the books about Buddhism that I've read there has always been something like "Buddhism isn't about having some idea about Buddhism. It's just being who you are."
When I first read those lines before absorbing all the "Be compassionate, love everyone etc." things I kind of thought: "Yeah yeah, that's not gonna happen to me."
But it did.
I held up high an ideal self, that I was aspiring towards, unconsciously. One that accepts everything and loves everyone.
You can't really be free, if you're attached to some dogma or a thought how you should be. Whatever you are, be that because you want to and not because someone says you should.
What you are truly is enough. Sure you can keep meditating even though it's part of what has been taught, but do it for yourself and because you have experienced that it does good things to you. Don't take what others say as truths. Truth is the most subjective thing in the world. Everyone has a truth. Being true to your truth is, I think, the ultimate way of being.
Find out what's true for you.
It's probably easier to find with contemplation. If you read books to find the truth, then contemplate on the idea a book gives you. The book might be telling the truth of the writer, but is it your truth?
In most of the books about Buddhism that I've read there has always been something like "Buddhism isn't about having some idea about Buddhism. It's just being who you are."
When I first read those lines before absorbing all the "Be compassionate, love everyone etc." things I kind of thought: "Yeah yeah, that's not gonna happen to me."
But it did.
I held up high an ideal self, that I was aspiring towards, unconsciously. One that accepts everything and loves everyone.
Absolute freedom
You can't really be free, if you're attached to some dogma or a thought how you should be. Whatever you are, be that because you want to and not because someone says you should.
What you are truly is enough. Sure you can keep meditating even though it's part of what has been taught, but do it for yourself and because you have experienced that it does good things to you. Don't take what others say as truths. Truth is the most subjective thing in the world. Everyone has a truth. Being true to your truth is, I think, the ultimate way of being.
Find out what's true for you.
It's probably easier to find with contemplation. If you read books to find the truth, then contemplate on the idea a book gives you. The book might be telling the truth of the writer, but is it your truth?
Friday, November 2, 2012
Thoughts about happiness
Feeling of happiness comes and goes. You felt happy for getting that new phone. You felt happy when you saw something beautiful. You felt happy for getting your eyebrow pierced (I did, for a week and then I kinda forgot about it). Is there even such a thing as lasting happiness, or does it have to fade away at some point?
You lose that feeling of excitement and happiness, when you get used to whatever it was you did to have the feeling in the first place. Getting used to things will narrow our experience of old and new things a lot. Cultivating a beginner's mind, seeing everything like seeing it for the first time, is cultivating a child-like mind. The kind of mind that gets excited about everything. "OMG Sand!" "OMG Grass!" Feeling that is not really all that hard. Being happy is not really all that hard.
When you stop ignoring things that you are used to, you can feel like you see them for the first time. "Hey cool, this is very nice and looks so good!" When you take control - of how you feel about and react to things - with awareness you can feel a child-like happiness about anything. Look at kids playing; are they serious about anything? In their mind they make sticks into airplanes and it's awesome. Why isn't it for us? We are serious adults who think different. We have given up the mind of the child and now, when we want to search for happiness, we have no idea how to find it.
The only one who really knows if you're happy is you. And you can be happy in your mind without really adjusting the things you do only the things you feel. You don't have to spin around with your office chair, you can just sit on it feel "wheee" and start doing your job. And when you take a pencil in your hand you can feel "wow, you can do all sorts with this" and start writing what you were supposed to. What you feel doesn't have to manipulate what you do and get you fired. Only thing that shows is your smile. Best part is that because you are always aware of things around you and the happy feeling, it won't fade away because there is always something around us.
Zen mind, Beginner's mind
You lose that feeling of excitement and happiness, when you get used to whatever it was you did to have the feeling in the first place. Getting used to things will narrow our experience of old and new things a lot. Cultivating a beginner's mind, seeing everything like seeing it for the first time, is cultivating a child-like mind. The kind of mind that gets excited about everything. "OMG Sand!" "OMG Grass!" Feeling that is not really all that hard. Being happy is not really all that hard.
It's all in the mind
When you stop ignoring things that you are used to, you can feel like you see them for the first time. "Hey cool, this is very nice and looks so good!" When you take control - of how you feel about and react to things - with awareness you can feel a child-like happiness about anything. Look at kids playing; are they serious about anything? In their mind they make sticks into airplanes and it's awesome. Why isn't it for us? We are serious adults who think different. We have given up the mind of the child and now, when we want to search for happiness, we have no idea how to find it.
You don't have to play with sticks in your office
The only one who really knows if you're happy is you. And you can be happy in your mind without really adjusting the things you do only the things you feel. You don't have to spin around with your office chair, you can just sit on it feel "wheee" and start doing your job. And when you take a pencil in your hand you can feel "wow, you can do all sorts with this" and start writing what you were supposed to. What you feel doesn't have to manipulate what you do and get you fired. Only thing that shows is your smile. Best part is that because you are always aware of things around you and the happy feeling, it won't fade away because there is always something around us.
Thoughts about living and loving
I don't particularly have a love life. This is partly because I choose not to have one. Partly because I can't be arsed to meet a lot of people to find one that suits my personality. It's okay though because not having a love life doesn't mean you can't or don't have love.
Love comes in one form
Personally I don't recognize romantic love even as real love. It's more like this lusty-clingy-wanty-needy thing. To me love, real love, is only unconditional. That's the kind of love you can give, without expecting anything back, to anyone, everyone and everything. I love life, and try to love everything in it. I'm not perfect, no one is (or everyone is, as themselves, with their imperfections) so I can only try. I've had a meditation practice for about a year and a half, last 2 months being very on-off, but now I'm back on track. Sometimes when I try to feel love for a person that was mean to me, it doesn't always work out so well. But I'm trying, doing and improving.
Remember to breathe
Not just to breathe, but to know that you are breathing. Be aware of your breathing. When you are immersed in the breath, your mind calms down. You can sometimes stop yourself before you react to things instinctively, like being angry at "that guy", and instead feel compassionately that maybe that guy has had a really tough day. Breathe, smile and hope that he will have a nicer rest of the day. If you think you're not up to being a selfless lover consider this: loving and smiling makes you happy. There's been studies. Think about it, love is a good feeling to have inside. When you love, even if it's romantic love, don't you feel good inside? When you smile, don't you feel a tiny bit happier? Now how about when you're angry at someone. Does that feel good?
Start small
Even if this feels right for you, and something you might want to implement in your life, you probably can't really love the whole world in the next instance. It might feel like "yeah yeah, I'm loving it all", but getting there is not instantaneous. You can start with whatever feels manageable, loving bypassers, family, even the not-so-lovable aunt (she has had things happening in her life that have morphed her the way she is now and it's okay). Work your way up. Do what feels comfortable.
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