As a Buddhist, you're supposed to speak lovingly. I think the "mantra" to think before speaking was something like "is what you are about to say: loving, kind, helpful and needed" if it wasn't, stay quiet.
This introduced a problem for me. It feels okay and appropriate in a monastery, but it didn't translate well to my life and relationships. If I was to think of the mantra before speaking to a stranger, sure it probably would have worked nicely. That's because there is no relationship.
If I start being "lovelier than thou" to a friend with whom I am usually changing words of pretty rough stuff, he would most likely feel very awkward. Making someone feel awkward doesn't seem like a wholesome activity.
Let's just say an outsider would probably think I'm an asshole if they heard me talking like that to a friend.
But to us that is loving speech. He knows I love him when I say the things I say, and I know he loves me when he responds in kind and we laugh. We both are creating happiness in each other. Isn't that the purpose of loving speech?
I get it. You're not supposed to speak nonsense, not in a monastery. I'm just not ready to abandon my laughing, fucked up sangha by being the most awkward person to be around. I also know most of the stuff we speak comes from mostly our ego. Humor after all feeds the ego.
My priority isn't on becoming enlightened and "boring". My priority is to live my life as I see best. I like making my friends feel good rather than awkward, and as long as I'm present and conscious about what I do, it's fine, and rather than impose my ego defeating "beliefs" on friends who love to laugh, I prefer to give them what they like in their life. To me that's loving.
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